All parents know this is true but we often forget to practice the act of self-care. Consider this a friendly reminder to prioritise your health. I don’t mean value it. I mean actually, put it first from time to time.
Parents who are able to recognize when they’ve reached their limit and make a habit out of practicing self care can go from surviving to thriving in arguably the most difficult but rewarding job in the world.
Parenting: A Recipe for Emotional Death
Let's be real. On a day-to-day basis, we experience sleep deprivation, feelings of self-doubt, emotional exhaustion, and anxiety about the well-being of our children. Parenting demands constant learning, patience, adaptability, negotiating skills, problem-solving, managing pressures both internal (e.g. am I doing a good enough job?) and external (feeling pressure to be perfect) and more patience.
Empty Cups should get filled FIRST
In the world of professional athletics, the best of the best understand that they need to avoid burnout at all costs. Their ability to perform depends upon it.
Burnout feels like constant exhaustion, detachment, not feeling yourself, insomnia, feeling snappy, teary, or angry all the time.
What you need to realize is you’re not helping anyone by pushing through the exhaustion all the time. I’ll say it louder for the people who glossed over that: Ignoring your body crying out for rest isn't helping anyone. In a state of burnout, it’s not just difficult to fulfill your responsibilities, it’s effectively IMPOSSIBLE.
You are responsible to be kind to your children and some have emotional space left for them at the end of the day. You simply can’t do that if you’ve ignored your needs too long and your cup is EMPTY.
In order to fill your empty cup first you first have to decide this is something you're going to start being aware of. By noticing how your body feels and knowing the signs of burnout you can then take steps to prioritize yourself.
Parents often can’t avoid running close to empty. That’s reality. And filling your cup first doesn't mean being selfish because the facts are that we spend so much time making sure our kid's cups are full and we do a pretty damn good job at it most days.
Next time you’re away of yourself running empty: decide at that moment to prioritize your health and happiness for the next day. When we do this, we create a ripple effect of positivity.
Here's how it works:
· Emotional Overflow: When your cup is full, you've got more love, patience, and understanding to pour into your little ones. On the flip side, kids are aware of when you aren’t happy. A burnt-out parent is a ticking timebomb.
· Lead by Example: By embracing self-care, you're showing your kids the importance of valuing yourself. You're giving them the greatest gift – the knowledge that self-love is the key to a fulfilled and joyful life and it’s healthy not selfish. (NOTE: this lesson is learned slowly over time and only solidifies once they’re older. Young ones usually just complain when you try to self-care ><)
The Self-Care Challenge
Ready to embark on a self-care challenge? Buckle up, because we've got some awesome ideas to help you get started!
Not many parents have the luxury of indulging in a day of self-care so here are little things to reward and pamper yourself (it’s ok to start small so long as you make a start).
Try to do these things for a whole week:
Put a couple of marshmallows in your hot drink or brew some extra nice tea (maybe I'm just simple but this genuinely makes me happy)
Turn toward the sun and bask for a while
Nothing makes you feel valued like investing in some really nice underwear!
Indulge in some extra loud car karaoke
Give yourself kind and encouraging words every morning, noon, and night
Light a nice-smelling candle
I personally like to have a loooong super hot shower and then go extra on my hair and makeup. Each to their own. Find what makes you feel good and do it
Do something childlike: swing on a swing, play a board game, laugh freely
Massage your feet, hands, and face before bed
Lie on your back and breathe
Write a letter to your kids about what you want to do together one day or what you want for them in life
Bake something or research a new cocktail recipe
Watch a comedy special
Plant some herbs
If you are lucky enough to be able to do the next few, do them asap!
Take a day off and PAMPER yourself. Turn off all screens. Glass of wine/can of your favorite beer in a bubble bath, go sit under a tree and read for hours, drive out to the country, organize to visit a friend.
If you can, organize to have dinner out with the boys/you’re partner/a friend.
(This one is courtesy of Brene Brown) have honest conversations with your partner when you have nothing left. For example, if you’re feeling 2/10 by dinnertime let them know you’re a 2/10 so they can take over the bath time today. Take turns having each other’s back.
Sorry - the Nutritionist / PT in me feels the need nag about how you treat your body so pleeease: go to bed earlier, get your heart rate up daily (doesn't matter how long yet - just form the habit first), and finally make sure that the food goes into your body is making it (and you) feel happy and good.
Conclusion
Taking care of yourself FIRST when your cup is empty is not negotiable. Think of it as any other responsibility you have to your kids. Embrace self-care, give yourself the same love you give to everyone else, and get ready to unleash your parenting superpowers like never before. Your family deserves the happiest and healthiest version of you, and you deserve it too!
If you feel like it, share your self-care routine in the comments below. Happy self-care Challenge, and may the joy be with you!